Goodbye Fall 2008

I am ready for the break, but I am still sad to see this semester go. I worked really hard...and my fingers are crossed for a 4.0. (That all depends on the rounding up of a 89.6 in ed psych!!) I get so attached to my professors and never seem able to get the same professor twice. I admit it. I shed some tears upon leaving my instructional strategies class. My professor gave a really touching end of semester speech. I am a bit of a soft touch.

edit: 15 hours of course work, 5 days a week, 30 hours of field experience- and about 15 more in my kids' school, and Milestone II requirements and I made straight A's!!!

Now that I am on break and amidst all the holiday craziness and fun, I can look back on the semester and say I did it! I worked very hard and was rewarded. I learned so much and met some great future teachers. I feel so accomplished! Now I have Ireland to look forward too!!

I'm obsessed!!

...in a healthy way...with Taylor Mali.


I posted one of his videos several weeks back, and I have since visted his site multiple times and watched all of his videos. He inspires me! He is an educator and a poet, and he makes me think about education in a different way...and he makes me want to write poetry again. To me, he is that which I once aspired to (a beautiful, soulful, thought provoking and moving poet) and that which I now aspire to be: an educator that means what she says and says what she means and is making a real difference. All in one.

I bought the pen!

Check out his page on seeking permission to use hs work (he shares!). Check out his podcasts. I heart him.

This post is called IRONY...or, maybe, another sign that I am on the right path...

I probably glamorize teaching more than I should...but if I can't do it now, when can I? For now, it's a dream, and I have spent so many years of my life not knowing what it is I was meant to BE (when I grow up!). Now I do, and there have been a number of signs along the way that I am exactly where I need to be.


Last week, my son's teacher suggested that he has "an attention deficit." She didn't say he has ADD because...she can't. But it was definitely implied.


So this isn't a beautifully poetic sign, but for me, it's a sign nonetheless.


A year ago, I would have been so upset to hear her words.


Now, it is a concern for me obviously, but I took a course on special education this semester; and I know more...I understand more...and I am not terrified.


I have begun the process of speaking with my children's pediatrician. Paperwork has been distributed to my son's kindergarten teacher. It's going to be okay.


I have my own thoughts about my son's issues in school. It may be a maturity issue. He started kindergarten as a 4 year old and turned 5 in September. If he was born only a month later, he wouldn't have been able to start kindergarten at all this year (and, in fact, I think the dates are changing in this state so that a child born in early September will not be able to start kindergarten next year).


His issue is not cognitive. I asked his teacher if we should start considering the possibility of holding him back a year (because I will make decisions for my kids out of love and concern and not out of stubbornness and focus on my own ego-- you know how parents can be..."my child is a GENIUS! No TV, no candy, I am SUPERPARENT!" I keep it real, y'all. I am doing the best I can, and I will be honest about it!), and his teacher said absolutely not. He'd be bored. He is very intelligent orally. He just doesn't complete his work, doesn't stay focused, fiddles with his fingers and shoes, is easily distracted, etc.

My initial feeling when notes were being sent home was that he is just immature. Also, I felt a little resentful that all I ever heard was negative things. Maybe I am a little insecure, too...if I want to be a teacher, shouldn't my kids be wonderfully behaved and ahead of their classmates in academics? But it doesn't work that way around here... I have the utmost respect for homeschooling moms and dads because I don't know how they do it. I care about my children's education more than any teacher they will ever have because I care about who they are, who they are becoming, and who they will be in the future. But I also care that they get to come home and play and be kids, too. I can't be their "home teacher" and their facilitator of fun and relaxation, can I? Am I expected to have the smartest, brightest kids in the class if I am an educator? Don't get me wrong. I make them complete their homework, and I check it. We talk about school quite a bit. I volunteer. I am INVOLVED! And I even have my daughter (a second grader) adding and subtracting three and four digit numbers because I have a thing about girls and math! (I am old enough to have had a teacher tell me that girls just can't "do" math and science the way boys can!) I care...I really, really care. But the night time has to be our time together- just to be us- too.

My son is a sweetheart. I do not like the label of ADD/ADHD because it is associated with the stereotype of the "bad" kid. I do not like the label of ADD because I feel like I have to defend my child and say NO, REALLY, he IS a sweetheart! But am I starting to see some of the ADD characteristics (he is not hyperactive) in his behavior? Yes.

So where do I go from here? There are many different sides to this whole thing. First, I am glad that I have had the opportunity to research this disability (both in introduction to special education and general psychology). I know it is a real thing even though many suggest otherwise. I know it can be debilitating to those affected by it. I am glad that I can appreciate ADD/ADHD for what it is- something real, something serious.

I am not totally convinced that Scotty will not just grow out of his immaturity (?), and he is so young to be diagnosed with ADD (though there are others in his class who have been!). Medication is completely out of the question until one of two things happens: 1) he is unable to develop cognitively because of it, or 2) he is mentally suffering (self-esteem issues, depression, etc.) because of it.

I know enough to know that it is better to get the diagnosis and share it with the school so he can receive those special services. ...so maybe they will see him as having a disability instead of being a "bad" kid.

I have to say that his teacher has been WONDERFUL through all of this. She has developed a behavior modification system for him, and truthfully, because of her, he has already been receiving "special services."

I wonder if I will be viewed negatively because I will not be medicating my child in the foreseeable future. Like so many other things, this situation has taught me a valuable lesson that I will use in my future career. It is not fair to judge a parent's decision to medicate or not to medicate based on a limited amount of information. I have been guilty of this just this semester in my field experience. My mentor teacher has five students with ADD/ADHD, and some of them were not on medication. Some of them went back and forth between being on and off medication. My mentor teacher viewed this very negatively so I did as well. Now I know that I can't judge parental decisions after only knowing a child so briefly. It is not my job to judge. It's my job to educate students to the best of my ability in ways that target my students' abilities. It is my job as a mom to make the best choices I can for my children, and it is only fair that I give other parents the respect they deserve for helping their own children in the best way they know how to do so.

Sharing!!

A classmate and I were discussing "sharing" the other day. In theory, it seems so simple: be nice and share. The end.

For educators, this should be even simpler. After all, educators share knowledge with their students. In fact, they share love, wisdom, and guidance too. Sharing really is a teacher's guiding force because it isn't the point to give only a little bit in order to always be the more educated being; the point is to give students everything so that they are well prepared and competitive in the work force.

So why don't educators willingly share with one another? I don't know this from personal experiences, but my classmate had some experiences related to this, and several of my mentor teachers have made comments regarding the idea of "sharing" in the education community. (Notably that teachers are often very protective of their own work.)

The primary reason I started this blog was to become a part of that community (but like all good things, it has shown itself to have other benefits).

Educators should be passionate about education- in general- and for everyone. For gifted and talented students. For at-risk students. For students with disabilities. For students who have been placed in vocational tracks. For students of every shape, size, color, and disposition. I think educators should be pro-higher education for every single person who says- or thinks to herself- I want to go to college! I think educators should be passionate about life-long learning, about inspiring others to seek out knowledge, to explore curiosity. I think educators should want everyone to do their best and to BE their best.

So why wouldn't educators want other educators to be their best? And if I have something of use (lesson plans, activities, valuable resources), why would I NOT want to share it with fellow teachers?

It sounds really great and novel...and actually, correct. Being a teacher is about more than what one does during the school day. And I may not have thought any further about this, but I had an experience recently that made me really appreciate what it means- and how difficult and unnatural it is for someone like me- to share.

(I'm a nice person- I swear!)

I am an overachiever. Ask anyone. It's true! I actually have a problem with doing TOO much and going TOO far. Once I get an idea, I run with it! I like to be acknowledged for my accomplishments. I like to be "gushed" over. I like people to take the time to appreciate my work...and then I want to hear how awesome it is. I'm only being honest. Believe me, it's very annoying to my friends and family...

I don't want to be average. I don't want to be just one of many. I want to stand out, to be recognized. I want to be the best. It's true. It's who I am.

Recently, I presented my first webquest to my instructional technology class. I presented early so that I could chaperone my daughter's 2nd grade field trip. After my presentation, I shared the link to the site I used for clipart (It's awesome- Free Clipart by Phillip Martin) with my professor and classmates. Several days later I discovered that many of my classmates then used the site for their class projects.

I had not intended for them to use this site for THESE projects in THIS class. I initially thought, "gosh, couldn't you wait?" I thought that, because our webquests had similar clipart- in some cases the EXACT SAME image- surely it takes away from the value of my webquest.

Again, I'm just being honest.

It clicked in my brain nearly right away, though: first, I'm ridiculous because it's not even MY clipart. Secondly, I had done the right thing by sharing the link because it had helped my classmates. They produced really great work. I looked at their projects and saw some unique, creative, and brilliant ideas. I wanted to write their idea down and copy the URLs to the sites they found.

I was amazed and intrigued and inspired.

And I got not only one lesson out of the whole thing...I got two.

I am not pursuing a career in education because I want fame and fortune. I am pursuing a career in education because I want to be a positive influence and have a powerful affect on young lives. It's not about ME. If I do something great, it's because I did it for children.

And if I do it, I want to share it because I can not educate every child- but I care about every child's education- and because I am surely not the only brilliant mind in the education world. I am one of so very many. Building relationships and a community of sharing affects not only those I can help, but those who can help me. More importantly, it helps OUR students!

Notes from A Journal Article on "Shared Authority"

Early on in the semester, I read a journal article for my multicultural/ diversity education class that presented information about the educational practices at several high SES school districts and several low SES school districts. The research was alarming. The author found that high SES children could very possibly be educated differently than low SES children and that these educational practices could in turn be perpetuating social class in this country.

The citation for this journal article is as follows:

Anyon, J. (1980). Social class and the hidden curriculum of work. Journal of Education, 162(1), 67-91.

It was determined in this article that low SES students were taught to primarily follow explicit instructions and that little value was given to their individual and unique input. This correlates with their suspected future careers as laborers and those that follow the lead and directions of others. High SES students, however, were taught with more emphasis on higher order thinking, and their opinions and experiences were more often integrated into the curriculum. This correlates with the belief that these students will become those professional individuals who oversee others and who make rules and instructions rather than work within their confines.

The journal article on shared authority:

Parsons, E. (2003). A teacher's use of the environment to facilitate the social development of children. Journal of Research on Childhood Education, 18 (1).

Notes on implementing the concept of shared authority in the classroom:

• The teacher created three areas: one that was all her own (her desk, files, technology, etc.), one that was shared (students' seats), and one that was the students' area (reading area/ quiet area/ a place for cooperative learning). She found that students respected her space as she did theirs and that students took great pride in their area (kept it cleaned and organized).
• At the beginning of the year, the teacher asked the students to discuss classroom rules. She made a list to display in the classroom. Students were allowed to amend the rules as the school year progressed. She found that students were very thoughtful in their creation of classroom rules.
• The teacher allowed students some decision making power (words on spelling lists; whether to complete one activity or another). She retained the ultimate veto power.
• Students were given roles and jobs to fill. She found that maturity played a part in such responsibilities. For example, the hall monitor position was often used as power over other students and certain students would give unwarranted penalties. The teacher rectified this by putting a second hall monitor in place. A student would only receive a penalty if she or he was cited by both hall monitors.
• The teacher and students would have frequent meetings for the class to discuss that which was and was not working in the classroom. Both the teacher and the students took responsibility for successes and failures and sought ways to continue to succeed or improve on that which was lacking. Students were able to amend rules at this time.

Field Experience-- Instructional Strategies

This post is for my own reference.

I am to complete 15 hours of field experience this semester for an instructional strategies class (and 15 hours more for two other classes). I am using this post to compile a list of things I've learned to make writing my end reflection easier.

• Tip/Math/Instructional Strategies: Ask Lowe's to cut dry erase boards (much less expensive); use dry erase boards for math lessons, students can work on problems as I present them on the overhead
• Language Arts (Main idea)/Lessons: Use palm as "main idea," use fingers as "supporting details;" supporting details wrap around main idea
• Language Arts/Instructional Strategies: Graphic organizers; have students work in small groups and use post it notes on construction paper to pick out details of story, take off notes, and exchange papers with other groups who put details back in order
• Tip: Video tape oneself to find where time is being lost and to improve
• Language Arts/Instructional Strategies/Diversity: Read story in group and have students make a place for themselves on large piece of paper; give some idea about things to look for in story (singular possessive nouns, action verbs, etc.) but allow students to compile information/ organize information as they would like to do so and also allow children a choice of story to promote a democratic working environment
• Tip: If one doesn't use worksheets, one does not form this bad habit
• Instructional Strategies: Assign small group members a job for the day: leader, reporter, recorder, collector (numbers on back of chairs, switch numbers each day)

Edit 1:

• Tip from my class/Instructional Strategies: Use folders for many purposes- have students write name on outside of folder and on tab, have students hang folder from desk to learn names, use folders to check for roll (folders not picked up= student absence), put missed assignments in folder
• Language Arts (Inference)/Lessons: Model inference by acting angry, sad, etc., ask students how teacher is feeling and then explain why they think this is so, introduce concept of inference, give picture representations of emotions, have students use inference to explain feelings pictures represent; have flowers or the like delivered to class with card, read card, discuss why card was given (what occasion, holiday for flowers and card), explain inference in writing; have students use inference in text
• Diversity: Group work at elementary level helps students understand diversity because students have different view points, need to learn to work cooperatively
• Observation: Teacher never says answer is "wrong;" asks students to agree or disagree by thumbs up or thumbs down; says "not right on target"
• Observation: Teacher had to make many decisions and work around distractions- school nurse conducting lice check, parent call, questions from vice principal and other teachers
• Observation: Teacher deals with possible ADHD student by allowing him to move and fidget to an extent as long as he is engaged in lesson; when movement from desk is extreme, student is asked to sit in isolation for approximately five minutes; teacher has students review in groups while briefly speaking to possible ADHD child and asks him to review what he has been working on with his mother ("keep control of body")
• Observation: Teacher is focused on incorporating higher order thinking skills whenever possible; introduces standardized test questions on Friday tests and briefly throughout lessons
• Observation: Teacher used repetition throughout lessons; used definition of inference twice by having class repeat her at intervals and then wrote definition on overhead at which time she used definition to review past lesson- parts of speech
• Observation: Teacher tied inference into parts of a friendly letter
• Language Arts (Parts of a friendly letter)/Lessons: Use Powerpoint (pictures) to show parts of friendly letter, use fellow teachers to model parts (heading- head, greeting- "commas" around mouth [to show that one follows greeting with a comma], body- body, closing- hands on knees [commas], signature- toes); use sticky notes on parts of body; have students get out of seat and chant "heading, greeting, body, closing, signature" while touching corresponding parts ***lesson incorporates five modalities: verbal, visual, interpersonal, kinesthetic, musical***

Edit 2:

• Language Arts (Prefix and Suffix)/Instructional Strategies/Lessons: Have students write on three cards- prefix, suffix, both- and display words, students hold up corresponding cards ***formative assessment***
• Observation: Teacher integrates previous lessons with current ones (inflections versus prefix and suffix)
• Instructional Strategies: Ask students to "prove" their answers in order to encourage higher order thinking, students must "prove it"
• Instructional Strategies: Allow students to "phone a friend" when they are stuck on a question after being called upon in class
• Classroom Management: Have students put work in progress in a "working on" folder
• Classroom Management: Compile work in a weekly folder for parents to sign off on as acknowledgement of student weekly progress
• Observation: Teacher uses administrative interruptions/ things out of her control as teachable moments when applicable (field trip paperwork was used to review sentence structure)
• Observation: Teacher prepares students for TCAP (standardize tests) throughout the year by saying such things as "you'll need to know this for TCAP" and "you won't have this model for TCAP"
• Observation: Teacher rewards opinions/thoughts in discussions that are off-topic but are still reiterations of previous lessons; teacher explores wrong answers instead of just proclaiming them "wrong"
• Language Arts: "Noun walk"
• Observation: Students enjoy working on the overhead and on computers and with technology in general
• Instructional Strategies: Make "cubes" with paper of current lesson information like a past, present, and future inflections cube, have students roll it like a game and have them complete assessments based on what they rolled
• Observation: Teacher encourages "self-talk" ("The subject is the 'who' or 'what' so you have to ask yourself, 'what is the who or what in this sentence?'")
• Observation: Importance of parent interaction with children- children are able to listen and hear what is right or wrong in a sentence (noun/verb agreement)
• Tip/Language Arts: Have students work with sentence strips (cut in half) and present their work on the overhead
• Tip: Create a sense of community discovery by using large pieces of paper to paste active learning activities to (like the sentence strips above), keep the paper displayed in class for a period of time, students can use this paper as a model in subsequent lessons
• Instructional Strategies: Tell students to fold paper "like a hotdog" or "like a hamburger," make a "T chart" (graphic organizers)
• Language Arts (Linking Verbs and Action Verbs)/Instructional Strategies/Lessons: Make a pitcher of lemonade and have students compile a T chart of linking and action verbs as they are happening
• Observation: Teacher integrates subjects as applicable (in lemonade activity, teacher asks "what form of mater is this?")
• Observation: Teacher uses worksheets only as morning work as students come into class, teacher gives students the choice of completing worksheets instead of activities when they are demonstating poor behavior; students overwhelmingly prefer activities over worksheets
• Observation: Students are asked to be "responsible citizens" by reusing paper, other
• Math (Charts and Graphs)/Instructional Strategies/Lessons: Ask students to write their birthday on post-it note and have students organize the class data on the front board by month (a bar graph is formed), allow students to bring their own post-it note to the front as opposed to "polling"
• Tip/Math: Use data sets that are relevant to the class like pizza toppings and birthdays
• Tip from my mentor teacher: Don't be afraid to change in the middle (when complications arise)! :)

Finally a "V"ictory

I have spent weeks with "V." At first, it was a difficult part of my day as I desperately wanted to bond with this child...wanted to prove something to myself. Perhaps it was naive of me, but my entire philosophy of teaching was fairly simple: I love kids, kids will know this, and kids will want to have a great relationship with me. In turn, they will want to please me and will eventually gain intrinsic rewards based on their academic achievement. This may hold true for a lot of children...but it didn't hold true at all for "V."

Toward the middle of my time with her (up until this point- my field experience hours are complete, but I am going to work more in this program because it's an invaluable learning opportunity, and I think I am actually of some use there which feels amazing), things became quite tense with "V." I have never known a child to react so negatively toward me. She would cry relentlessly and refuse to work (read aloud to me and work on writing assignments). She would fake illness and afterwards skip happily back to class as if nothing was wrong at all. She would be quite sharp and harsh with me. She would not walk beside me in the hallway. She did everything in her power to let me know that she just didn't like me, not even one little bit.

I tried constant praise. I tried hugs (she would not have it at all). I tried reasoning with her. I tried more praise. I tried talking to her, asking about her day. I tried compliments.

Nothing at all worked.

I went home those days feeling unbelievably defeated and sad. I choked back tears a number of times and knew I had better toughen up because for the first time I realized that, surely, "V" would not be the only child to behave this way in my future teaching career. This is just part of it. My eyes have been opened.

I was extremely proud of myself for maintaining my composure during this time. I have within me more patience than I knew...and it has made me think about my ability to mother my children. If I have so much patience for this little girl that is not my own (and had made no effort whatsoever to connect with me in any meaningful way), surely I can have more patience with my children who are the guiding force in my very existence. Yes, "V" has taught me a lot.

There was, however, a turning point a couple of weeks ago. I consciously decided to give in a little bit to the things that 'V" wanted to do. She wanted to work with letter tiles, and so we did this, and I found ways to integrate what she needed to do based on her assignments with what she wanted to do. And then I discovered that she likes a "high five!" We had a great day, and it just sorta happened out of thin air. The next day, I did not allow "V" to run things as much...but I did a little. We had another good day. We have had a number of good days now, and today, when she saw me, she walked quickly to me and gave me a hug...and later, she snuggled into me while we were working at a computer. It surprised me but gave me so much validation and joy.

I can't be sure what changed exactly, but I do know that I didn't give up...I do know that even when "V" pushed me away in the most harsh way, I did not stop trying; I did not stop caring. That in itself is a victory to me.

I LOVE Technology!

This is the kind of stuff I love...(not necessarily my voice!)

I was encouraged to post my podcast on the web by my instructional technology professor so here it is...my first webquest is also linked here.

International Recipe Challenge: Webquest

Ireland: Total Happiness

Ireland is no longer making me sad. No, quite the opposite, I am ECSTATIC by the thought of it.

Last week, one of my professors (the one I referenced in my previous post about Ireland), spent a few minutes in class talking about the Ireland trip. Of course, this was complete agony for me. It was a dream that was shut down for me before I ever had the chance to really stew in the possibility of it.

She passed around an interest sheet: if one was interested, she was encouraged to sign it. I nearly cried as it came to me. I asked, "what if we are REALLY interested, but there is no possible way we can go?" (It is a small class, perhaps more laid back than most.) She asked what was holding me back...and a light flicked on inside of me...NOTHING is impossible!

And then I started to make it a reality.

My husband is going to take off those two weeks from work. He has plenty of vacation time. My mom will step in and help as needed. I talked to financial aid, and best yet: my sister is going too!

In less than six months, I will be in Ireland!

I will be very sad to be away from my kids for two weeks, but I an excited to have this opportunity to LEARN with no other responsibilities (I can not explain in words how liberating it will be to just be me- for the most part-for two weeks. I mean no disrespect toward my beautiful, special children...but being a mom is exhausting, and I haven't been well-rested in about eight years.) The kids shed a couple of tears, but we talked about it...I'm sure it will be harder the closer we get to May. All in all my kids are very secure little people. They have had me every day of their lives. They know I love them more than anything else in this world. They are lucky to have a good dad (who will surely not care for the house and kids as I would have but will do a fantastic job nonetheless).

I am totally excited to have this amazing, amazing opportunity to look forward to.

My Mantra

My mentor teachers for my observations have been tremendously helpful to me, but they have frightened me a bit too. They are great teachers who spend a lot of time in and outside of school working on the curriculum and formulating activities to involve the students...to excite them, to encourage them, to TEACH them. They do not spend a lot of time on much else, and I sense that they feel discouraged and overwhelmed quite often. All too often, I have heard: it's nothing like you think it will be while you are in school. And: you don't have time to be an idealist.

It has taken me SO MUCH time to put together (my first) three day unit plan that I am REALLY proud of. How will I possibly have the time to do things I am really proud of for an entire school year?...and I am overachiever enough to not do any less.

I am passionate about "higher order" thinking and about diversity issues. I am passionate about creating my own activities and assessments and not pulling random stuff off the internet. I am passionate about being a reflective practitioner, to grow and change with my future students' needs. I am passionate about working with my colleagues and the community. I am passionate about making a real difference in children's lives and affecting the world in a positive way. I can not accept less. I can not be something else. Anything less will feel like failure.

I know that I am green and inexperienced and idealistic. I know it's not going to be the way I think it will be...but I know that I am going to be a great educator (in time) because I refuse to quit. I refuse to quit trying to be the educator I want to be.

My mantra: I will welcome the challenge.

Beautiful "B"

I spent an hour and a half in a child development center this morning, working on one of my field experiences. I was there for one little boy in particular, a two year old little boy: "B". He has Down's Syndrome. This field experience is part of the requirements for my introduction to special education class.

It was a great experience. This little boy melted my heart immediately. He has the biggest, most pure smile. He is very friendly and affectionate. He gets along well with the other children, and the other children seem to have no knowledge whatsoever of any "difference" in "B".

To say "B" is adorable is an understatement. He had no hesitation in coming to me and touching me and asking me to read to him. I don't have words enough to describe him. He was just simply- and not simply at all- beautiful. All I could think when I was with him is how I agonized over my babies' health while they were in my womb. I took those prenatal tests and prayed that nothing was "wrong" with them. I thought then that I would have given birth to my babies regardless of any physical "abnormalities" but the prayer was that there was no such "problems." And that's probably just human nature. But what I didn't know was how amazing a child like "B" is and how his parents must have so many blessings in their life when I had only an hour and half to spend with "B" and just wanted him to stay by my side the whole time, hoping some of his joy and spirit would be passed to me in some way.

I can't wait to go back.

Oh Ireland, why must you make me so sad?

Wah! I'm just going to be a big baby about this one.

Earlier this semester, the director of the School of Education at APSU spoke to my instructional strategies class about some requirements we need to fulfill this semester. At this time, she also talked about a trip and some classes being offered in Ireland this summer, one of which could replace a class I need to take. And my favorite professor is going, too! But class or no class, I have always wanted to travel. Always. I have a charm bracelet that my mom gave me for Christmas one year with the globe on it because anyone who knows me, knows I want to see this world. And besides a great many states I visited as a kid with my family, I haven't really been anywhere; and I haven't been out of this country. My mom has. My dad has. Even my little sister has. But not me. I especially want to visit Europe and always Ireland in particular.

The only possible downside to my becoming a teacher is...how am I possibly going to travel on that salary?

When the director was speaking about this trip, I could feel my heart skipping beats inside my chest. My mind was racing with the idea of it all. A trip! To Ireland! With some awesome professors!

And the director made it seem so do-able. Sure, it would be a lot of money, but there is financial aid for that.

Wow!

But then it hit me like a ton of bricks...I can not go to a foreign country. I have two young children. I am old and tied down.

Sometimes I feel like my past mistakes will always haunt me. If this were ten years ago and I was a serious college student (as I am now), I could take this trip and have an experience of a lifetime with other adults. Learning. Fun. Freedom. Travel. Oh, bliss. But alas, there is just no possible way I could make it work.

Believe me, I've tried to think of some way, any way, to go.

But it just won't work. I'd like to say that I am an awesome enough mother to not even consider leaving my seven year old and my five year old with my husband or my mom, but I'm not. I would play out that scenerio for all it's worth if they could do it. But they can't, and I can't go, and I hear classmates talking about this amazing opportunity all the time. And it makes me so sad. (I'd miss my kids before I got on the plane...just for the record. And then I'd cry a lot all through the trip.)

The truth of the matter is this, though: I probably wouldn't ever have become a "serious student" if it wasn't for Michaela and Scotty. I might not have ever gotten focused, and I probably would not have set out on a path to become a teacher. And I wouldn't trade them for all the countries in the world anyway.

As we say around here, "it is what it is."

It still kinda stinks.

Scarier than Halloween: Public Speaking

I have never been a terribly confident person and have therefore not been comfortable with public speaking. I get my moments when I feel very passionate about a subject, and the heat in my heart takes over my head, pushing the words right out of my mouth. I have found in the past that if I really try to be an eloquent speaker, though, all the sentences in my mind get tangled up around my tongue.

I have found in my classmates similar feelings about public speaking. It's a little odd that we all want to be teachers since teaching is a profession which requires one to talk.all.day. But it's different with kids. They are forgiving and not so judgemental and cute.

I feel very fortunate that I was required to take a public speaking course last semester. I thought it would be one of those courses that I was annoyed with...feeling like I am being babied by my university and feeling like I should get some sort of exemption because I am in my 30s for heaven's sake. But it was actually pretty great. I took the class with my sister which made it a bit easier, and I had a dynamic professor and lots of interesting classmates.

My first couple of speeches went ok, but they weren't fantastic. I was actually disappointed with my performances, and something quickly shifted in my head. There is something more powerful in me than my fear, my nervousness, my anxiety. There is a desire to communicate, and yes, to teach!

My first successful public speaking experience in my life was this one:


Uploaded on authorSTREAM by tiffanyallemand

I care about the subject tremendously and so, I really sought out to do well: to inspire someone, anyone. And I think I did.

I had an interview at my university last month (it is something that all education majors and minors must go through), and I will admit it: I was terrified. My classmates' fear was really affecting me, too (sure, I tell myself that I am a woman in my 30s with a lot of life experience, but when it comes right down to it, I think I might always be a little bit of that girl who STILL has nightmares about forgetting her locker combination and her schedule and heaven forbid have to stand up in front of a class of my peers!). The interview was really just about my thoughts on teaching and why I think I'll make a great teacher, a subject I am entirely comfortable with. BUT, we were told there would be a committee of people and a written portion of the interview- all very formal and serious and important, ESPECIALLY when teaching has become your goal, your dream, your future. So, yes, I panicked a bit. A lot.

The morning of the interview was hectic and rainy, and I misunderstood where I was supposed to go and was about two minutes late. And I felt sweaty and gross from running all over and stressing out about being late, and I felt unsure of myself and scared scared scared. But all of a sudden I was writing about education and talking from my heart about education.

"Reflect on your personal strengths that you will bring to the teaching profession," they said.

"I am organized. I am creative and resourceful. I am motivated and efficient. I have a drive in me that will not stop until I am the best educator I can possibly be. Most of all, I am an optimistic and happy person with a sunny disposition. [big smile] My motto is: 'wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.'"

It just so happened to be raining that morning. :)

And I survived the whole process. No, I excelled at it. One of my professors was on the panel in front of me (a professor I respect greatly but who intimidates me because she is a genius and who up until this point I had tried to impress all semester), and later in the day when I was attending her class, she called me out in front of everyone, saying that I had impressed them all and was eloquent.

And that I had brought the sunshine...

So, yes, something has shifted in me. I have since that interview given several other presentations. I know that there will always be a healthy amount of stress and nerves along with public speaking, but it's manageable. Perhaps it's even exciting. Teaching is making me a more confident person. When something is right in your life, it's right!

Little Girl "V"

To complete a field experience requirement, I am working with a local elementary school's mentoring program. The program is for those children who are behind in reading and writing skills, and volunteers from the community come in to work with them one-on-one. I have enjoyed it and plan to continue volunteering throughout my preservice program.

I have been assigned one little girl in particular, a first grader, "V."

I have always said that I have a natural ability to make animals, children, and elderly people fall in love with me. This is something I have always been proud of, and I can think of no other's opinion more valuable to me.

Deciding to pursue a career in education was a process, but it was as though it was starring me in the face all along. I pride myself in being able to connect with kids in a way that goes beyond words. I have experienced this connection with even middle school and high school kids. I can only describe it as a mutually unspoken acknowledgement. I care about kids, and they know it.

So I was not prepared to lack this connection with "V."

From my understanding, "V" is very emotional. She is frustrated easily, and she is known to give up and shut down and refuse to work any further. She cries loudly and can no longer be reached when this happens.

Foolishly, I thought she would see me and instantly fall in love, and we would have a partnership. I would validate her efforts, and she would want to be validated.

This hasn't happened completely.

Like some of the other children did, "V" didn't necessarily want to be partnered with me. She has pushed the limits with me, and she has made it clear that no amount of praise will make her do something she just doesn't want to do.

During our time together, we complete several short activities, but mostly, she is to read aloud to me. At first, I offered her no help (as was modeled for me by the program director). If she did not know a word, she was required to sound it out, letter by letter. This caused her great frustration. On one particularly difficult day, she shut down and cried, like I was told she would do. She went back to her class, and I felt defeated.

Then I decided to offer her help on more difficult (5 letter) words, but I quickly determined that she would insist on help with even very simple words like "it."

Needless to say, it has been a struggle.

I am starting to see that she has become more comfortable with me, but I wish she was more attached to me. I think that if she was, she would want to work harder to please me. I compliment her on her progress excessively, thinking she will gain intrinsic rewards and will become motivated to continue progressing. I have to think of other ways to reach her.

She does not know that she is teaching me, too. She is teaching me that I will have students who adore me and those that don't, but they all have to be equally adored by me. And that won't be easy. But it will be necessary.

Technology is not for everyone!

I was recently in a local elementary school completing a field experience and encountered a very disturbing situation.

At least two of our local elementary schools have computer programs for signing in and out of the school. This is, obviously, amazing.

I think most of us assume that everyone in this country has seen a computer, has used a computer, and is also good at manipulating computers. But we are wrong.

On this day, I watched as a Hispanic mother and father attempted to check out their son on this system. The front office clerk gave them some simple instructions and went on her way. Unfortunately for them, they did not speak much English.

I watched them struggle for a few minutes (I was waiting behind them to sign in myself). I wanted to step in immediately, but at the same time, I didn't want to be condescending and just assume they ddn't know what they were doing.

Some people take longer with computers than other people.

Finally, I realized they didn't know how even to move the mouse so I stepped in. Meanwhile, the front office lady is oblivious to what was going on.

The father said, "I'm sorry. I have never used a computer."

I told him that was okay and helped him. It pretty much broke my heart that he was made to feel incompetent.

I'm sure they aren't the only ones, too. A simple set of instruction, in English and Spanish, would have made a big difference. ...Or just a little awareness on the part of the office clerk.

I witnessed first hand how technology is not in everyone's life. Now I just have to apply that knowledge to my future classroom.

Brought me to tears and laughter and goosebumps...

What Do Teachers Make by Taylor Mali

(warning: strong language...but it's definitely beautiful!)

Parental...support?

I am a mom first.

And that has made some aspects of my life hard as of late.

I want to eventually get a job in my community, and because of this, I am very concerned about my reputation.

I should say at this point that I have a very G rated life. Very. So I'm not in anyway referring to my personal life.

I am referring, rather, to my interaction with my children's teachers and other school administrators.

Where is the line between being the mom and being the future teacher?

For example, last winter I got into a car accident in the parent pick-up line after complaining several times about the accumulation of ice on this school's roads. Fortunately, no one was hurt. It did, however, cost several hundred dollars to fix my car. I was told by several people that I should have gotten the police involved and made a case to have the school system pay for my damages. Instead, I sucked it up, preferring not to make trouble. I do, afterall, want these people to hire me in a couple of years.

This year, I have had some concerns about my son's classroom environment. Not because he has a bad teacher. Quite the opposite. My kids have been blessed with wonderful teachers, all of whom I have liked very much. I am only concerned because my son is on the immature side and the youngest in his class. He is a SWEET SWEET boy, but he is pesky; and I'll be the first to admit it. So when he is denied snack or the use of his blanket at nap time, it makes me wonder if those decisions are based in love or frustration.

But where do I go with these thoughts? I have addressed some concerns in the past but always felt the need to apologize profusely. It's like the power is not in my hands. And it needs to be. For me. For my child.

I am glad I am a mother who wants to be a teacher. I think it will give me a better sense of how I should approach parents and solicit help from them.

But I have been thinking...is parental "support" the right term?

When I get letters home that say, "homework page 3 (or whatever else), thanks for your support," I want to say...

"No, thank you for YOUR support. I am my children's mother. They are my children. You are helping me. It's not the other way around."

Perhaps I am thinking too much about this, but I think there is a line here. It's not okay to assume that parents will ONLY help their children if educators ask them to. It's not okay to assume that educators care more about the education of their students than their own parents.

I have also gotten newsletters sent home that are slightly condescending. Writing in all caps: NO LUNCH BOXES WHATSOEVER (for a field trip) seems a little unnecessary. I know that teachers are getting less and less parental support, and this could not come at a worse time with the accountability issues presented in NCLB; but I think parents should still be treated as equals...no, they should be treated as the PARENTS. With dignity. With respect. And certainly not as imbeciles. If a child is doing poorly in school, it should NOT be assumed that the parent is not doing everything she can to help her child or that she simply doesn't care.

Educators support a parent's efforts to raise happy, functioning members of society. It's not the other way around.

"my program"

I had the most wonderful professor last semester for an introduction to education class. It was my first education class so I was bound to learn a lot, but she is am amazing person; and she inspired me so much. She is the mom of four (twice as many children as I have), a wife, and a professional lady who has not only worked in secondary school, but was also an administrator before teaching on the college level...AND she earned her doctorate...AND she is only a few years older than me. Wow. Simply wow.

I grew very fond of her, and I knew I would miss her after the semester was over. I do miss her, but I am glad I had the chance to take one of her classes. At one point in the semester, she gave me the absolute best compliment. She said, "you are going to be a great teacher. I would be thrilled if you were one of my children's teachers." As a mother myself, I completely understand what a special gift she gave me in those words.

Toward the end of the semester, she said to me, "good luck with the rest of your program." It was the first time in my life that I have felt like a professional. And it feels good.

I am a little more than half way through my second semester in "my program," and I am so completely happy with it. I have been blessed with brilliant professors, all of who have affected me and my future as an educator in a profound way. I feel as though my program started at the top of a pyramid, and I brought to it my own experiences and thoughts about education and brought to it my heart- truly and fully. I am still somewhere toward the top of that pyramid, but my knowledge about the profession of teaching and my own beliefs and goals are becoming more sophisticated and layered. By the time I am finished with my program, the base of my pyramid will be so broad and dense and thick with knowledge and ideas and aspirations, but it doesn't have to end there. My pyramid can be as big as I make it: it can be larger than life if I keep learning, keep growing, keep expanding on that initial desire to teach...and to make a difference in this world, one beautiful, wonderful, special child at a time.

I want to be that educator everyone wants to have teach his or her child.

Thank you, Dr. Howell...

Why Teaching?

I am the product of my generation in so many ways. We were handed the world. With such limited direction. I entered college straight out of high school. I wanted to be a writer, the only thing, perhaps, that got me through adolescence. And I wrote a lot about the world as it existed in my tiny bubble. And I avoided attending classes, and I eventually dropped out. I lived among those like me: those struggling to find their place in the world, those wanting a little piece of immortality to claim as their own.

And then I had two babies.

And then the whole wide world opened up.

My children became my immortality. My children became my purpose and my meaning. They still are, and they always will be.

I started school again as a mother to a 2 year old and a nine month old, and I set out on a short-lived course to become a nurse. Somehow, it didn't fit. Then I was a history major, so inspired by my professors. Then, I wanted to be a mathematician and then a sociologist. And a lot of different things, too. I so love school.

When my daughter turned five and entered into kindergarten, I volunteered in her classroom. I volunteered for picture day and the book fair, too, and began seeing all children as I see my own. Each and every one someone's sweet baby. Then, suddenly, it was crystal clear.

It is my place in this world to affect the lives of children in a positive and meaningful way.

I am sure that like all educators and future educators surely believe, I have a special gift to truly connect to children. It is something between authority and being a child myself, but it is there. An unexplainable feeling, something deep inside. Moments when we smile at each other and that little person just knows...I care.

Last semester, I had a field experience in a fifth grade classroom. I have a somewhat difficult last name in this area, and so one little guy, "J," looked at me and said, "I'll call you Mrs. A." That was it. I had arrived.

Why I Chose the Title of this Blog

Like many college students (and I would venture to say, especially "non-traditional" college students), my life is almost unmanageable. Between my husband's schedule, keeping up with my children's school work and trying to regularly volunteer at their school, my course work and field experiences, and (sometimes) effectively running my home, I feel like I am in a constant battle just to BREATHE.

However, I choose to see my future as a teacher not as something that may or may not happen depending on my actions, but instead as something that is out there- that IS. I am just on my path to get there.

I did not title this blog "This is How I Will Become a Teacher" because my future is much more clear. I chose the title of this blog because I am certain that in my lifetime I became a teacher. Completely, totally, wholeheartedly certain.

About Me!

My name is Tiffany Allemand, and I am a junior education major (K-6) at Austin Peay State University in Clarksville, Tennessee. I have two years left in the program before I become a teacher. I have created this blog in response to APSU's Learning 2.0- 23 Things, a project that I am required to complete for an instructional technology class and a learning experience that has opened my eyes to the vast amount of knowledge and community on the web. I hope to use this blog to reflect along my path to becoming a teacher, to reach out to other edubloggers in time, and to share my own thoughts and vision of the profession of teaching with others.