Little Girl "V"

To complete a field experience requirement, I am working with a local elementary school's mentoring program. The program is for those children who are behind in reading and writing skills, and volunteers from the community come in to work with them one-on-one. I have enjoyed it and plan to continue volunteering throughout my preservice program.

I have been assigned one little girl in particular, a first grader, "V."

I have always said that I have a natural ability to make animals, children, and elderly people fall in love with me. This is something I have always been proud of, and I can think of no other's opinion more valuable to me.

Deciding to pursue a career in education was a process, but it was as though it was starring me in the face all along. I pride myself in being able to connect with kids in a way that goes beyond words. I have experienced this connection with even middle school and high school kids. I can only describe it as a mutually unspoken acknowledgement. I care about kids, and they know it.

So I was not prepared to lack this connection with "V."

From my understanding, "V" is very emotional. She is frustrated easily, and she is known to give up and shut down and refuse to work any further. She cries loudly and can no longer be reached when this happens.

Foolishly, I thought she would see me and instantly fall in love, and we would have a partnership. I would validate her efforts, and she would want to be validated.

This hasn't happened completely.

Like some of the other children did, "V" didn't necessarily want to be partnered with me. She has pushed the limits with me, and she has made it clear that no amount of praise will make her do something she just doesn't want to do.

During our time together, we complete several short activities, but mostly, she is to read aloud to me. At first, I offered her no help (as was modeled for me by the program director). If she did not know a word, she was required to sound it out, letter by letter. This caused her great frustration. On one particularly difficult day, she shut down and cried, like I was told she would do. She went back to her class, and I felt defeated.

Then I decided to offer her help on more difficult (5 letter) words, but I quickly determined that she would insist on help with even very simple words like "it."

Needless to say, it has been a struggle.

I am starting to see that she has become more comfortable with me, but I wish she was more attached to me. I think that if she was, she would want to work harder to please me. I compliment her on her progress excessively, thinking she will gain intrinsic rewards and will become motivated to continue progressing. I have to think of other ways to reach her.

She does not know that she is teaching me, too. She is teaching me that I will have students who adore me and those that don't, but they all have to be equally adored by me. And that won't be easy. But it will be necessary.